deserve, mindset, psychology, psychology of change, success psychology, wellness, mind-body, mindbody, self-development, personal development

Why you need to lose the word “deserve” from your vocabulary


Dear society, advertising campaigns, mass media, and evolving mental perspectives that are really teaching inaccurate belief systems and failing people sadly,

…let’s get clear on use of the term “I deserve” …we deserve what we work for and earn for ourselves.

This is what was taught in my gen and those before and it worked out quite well.

We don’t deserve anything more or less. Entitlement is something we all earn through experience, hard work, education, wisdom, all of which are earned through time.

An example …we received a mailer ad this week that we “deserve” a Lexus.

Really? No we don’t. Nor do I want one, and I most certainly want one less now.

Sorry, everything Damian and I have and value we’ve EARNED through working darn hard for it and continuing to invest in and working darn hard for it even today, from our marriage to our education to our health to building our e3 Energy Evolved mission and business together to our opportunities to become educators to other fitness professionals through writing to advance integrative health and nutrition education in the industry to our healing to our competitive athletic goals, to starting over from nothing when the economy tanked a few years back when it was necessary like many had to.

When we called the banks while losing our home  in 2009 out of work we didn’t call them and say excuse me but we “deserve” to keep our house, when we went from a 6 figure household in solid well-established sales and marketing careers and decided to battle a dual an unexpected mid-life career change in our early thirties together after our wedding and begin anew by making $20,000 as our combined household income at the time to earn our way back into a new career while deciding to start our own business with a mission to help others from what we learned through my illness & healing naturally, …working our butts off through 5 years of investing in and adding to education and experience, we didn’t say but we were making X so we “deserve” a higher salary…… NO we took the opportunity with gratitude, determination, pride and worked tails off to rebuild.

Even learning to and committing to healing my illness naturally at that same time was incredibly hard work for us both, but we never gave up, and that is how we were able to successfully beat it drug-free, mostly because of commitment, and relying heavily on supporting one another with our can-do dig deep never say die attitude.

You will never know how strong you truly are and what you’re capable of doing until you allow yourself to be tested to your greatest capacity, and that is truth in everything – from goals you set for your health, your marriage, your career, serving the greater good, and so on. Believing you deserve everything without earning it, or even deserving to keep all you earned, frankly is an illusion. That is simply not how life works.

Let us share for the younger gens who are being taught this mindset of “I deserve” unfortunately, that when challenges happen like a poor economy and you lose everything you worked to earn for 30 yrs like a solid credit history, your house, vehicle, jobs, etc. which is possible for all of us truly at anytime no matter how you prepare or plan, the word “deserve” won’t be the net that turns your life around, … Your ability to be resilient, seek opportunity, get creative, and work your butt off will.

Another reality check, you can work your tail off for everything and STILL lose it, also entirely possible. In fact, all the education you earned in one career can become valueless in a heartbeat – we’ve also been through that twice with a huge economic shift, and before that living 30 mins away from the towers when 9-11 changed all our lives forever, and entire job markets fell in an instant with such a devastating tragedy.

Life hardships have taught both Damian and the value of making ourselves versatile, and having more than one form of  education and work skill in our back pocket through life, and that’s worked to our advantage more than once in our forty years so far for the both of us, when entire job markets crumbled.

And we’re both incredibly blessed with parents that taught us the value of hard work, working multiple jobs, working every day for 70-80 hr weeks if that’s what it takes to rebuild or achieve your goals and dreams, taking any paying job at times in life when it’s necessary because hard work and a job well done is something we can all take pride in no matter the level we begin at or build up to or start over at. We should earn our chops & work our way up in any goal we set out to go after with patience, commitment, persistence, and determination… NOT expectations.

Our parents took the harder route which we’re incredibly grateful for, and they’ve chosen to be by our side when we have fallen even just by life chance, but allow us to learn and grow and strengthen ourselves by working hard to rebuild — and that is a much more challenging choice as a parent, however, it is the one in deepest service to your child.

People, do yourself a favor leave the word deserve out of your vocabulary, and your children’s vocabulary.

This failed mindset of entitlement because we are breathing like my Dad says is never a path that will take you to success in life, in the peaks & in the valleys, expect both & don’t expect that you deserve anything in either, instead seek opportunities, stay grateful for your blessings, and pray for and work hard to earn it.

Author: Heather Dubé, HHC, AADP, ACSM CWC, NASM CPT, NC Cand. & BA Psychology, is a Functional Nutrition Practitioner, US National-Level Natural NPC Figure Bodybuilding Competitor & Contributing Expert Magazine Writer with 24 years experience, and Co-Founder of the e3 Energy Evolved™ System.

Copyright © 2012 – 2016 e3 Energy Evolved, LLC, All Rights Reserved.

_______________

Heather Dubé

Functional Nutrition, Energy Medicine & Energy Psychology Practitioner at e3 Energy Evolved
Heather Dubé, BA, ECMT, INHC, AADP, CWC, CPT is a Functional Nutrition, Energy Medicine & Energy/Positive Psychology Practitioner, Certified Personal Trainer, National NPC Natural Figure Athlete & Expert Magazine Writer with 30 years experience, & the e3 Energy Evolved® System Founder.
Heather Dubé

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Comments 2

  1. The ad industry is back at it again with “deserve”. Check out the latest Humana Medicare ads. That is definitely a entitlement-era message. As a former corporate manager and current high school teacher I see first-hand the negative impacts those kinds of messages impart.

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      Author

      It’s horrible, Andy – we agree. It’s disintegrating generations of people’s willingness to work hard for everything in their life. I was raised to expect more of myself to earn things, not to expect others to give me more just because I’m a human being. And, that mental fortitude has gotten me through many times of deep challenges. Society is disempowering people from their own inner strength and capabilities by debasing them, and our personal health is just one area this is happening in. It’s truly sad. I see so many differences in this country today from the one I grew up in in the early 70’s!! I cannot imagine how you teach today. You must pray a lot for strength. Thank you for doing work that makes a difference. – Heather, e3ee

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